Dear Mark,
Casino Windsor has high
table minimums and low table maximums. Is this a player advantage? Danny
B.
Quite the contrary,
Danny. It's a huge advantage for the casino, and here's why. Casinos win
for two reasons. First, a statistical edge (percentage advantage) on
each and every game, and second, they have a whole lot more cash and
staying power than you do. For the latter, it's a simple concept called
"gambler's ruin." In essence, it's how long will it take you-with your
limited bankroll-to lose everything to a casino, which has a relatively
infinite wad of cash. So even if you do have a short-term winning
streak, Danny, when the house has this infinite stake, they can, and
will, always outlast you.
Now to your situation playing the high
minimums/low maximums limits. When you have a casino with a
competition-free monopoly, you tend to find table limits that, in my
humble opinion, border on larceny. This scenario eliminates low-stakes
betting (high minimums); plus, the ability to parlay your winnings by
increasing your bets (low maximums) is removed. Unfortunately, when you
play under these conditions, depletion of a low roller's bankroll in a
matter of minutes is not uncommon.
So the long and short of it is this,
Danny. Avoid playing high minimums/low maximums table limits like the
plague!
Dear Mark,
If I were to hit $1
million on a progressive quarter slot machine, will they pay me all at
once? Dave G.
Forget borrowing Uncle Fred's
three-quarter-ton pickup truck to haul off 42,000 pounds of quarters.
Look at the machine closely, Dave. A sign placed inconspicuously on the
machine will read something like "Progressive Jackpot paid in 25 equal
installments. First installment paid upon validation of win."
One exception is a statewide progressive machine in Nevada, and other
locations, called "Cool Millions." Bet 3 bucks, line up 3 ducks, and you
win "the first million" instantly. Now if you get your ducks in line,
Dave, make them pay you in $100 bills. They will weigh only twenty and a
half pounds.
Dear Mark,
How come I always lose when I'm
drinking with my buddies vs. sober and winning by myself? Bradley S.
Casinos are fundamentally democratic
institutions where all are welcome, united in the brotherhood (and
sisterhood) of losing. Free drinks (chip remover) which have always been
part of the casino ambience, speed up the process. Then there's Brad,
gambling with friends, raised testosterone, elevated male bravado and
sipping hooch, not for pleasure but gulping for effect. What do you
expect, Bradley? I'll tell you: the demise of a normally sensible
gambler!
All bets are off on the quality of your
play, Brad, when influenced by any intoxicating beverage.
Dear Mark,
I witnessed something
amusing recently in a casino, someone sprinkling salt all over a slot
machine. Did she really think this would bring her luck? Edith C.
By sprinkling salt, this superstitious
gambler was trying to make the machine pay off by using salt's
association with money. It comes from ancient times when workers were
paid with salt, called "salarium." We know that word today as salary.
Now my own personal feelings about (a)
luck and (b) superstition. When it comes to the goddess "Lady Luck," I'm
an atheist. Smart wagers bring luck! I have a saying, Edith, if you
will: "The smarter you play, the luckier you'll be." Salt to me has more
value disguising my own cooking, not showering a machine with it.
